Dustin Hogan | How To Overcome Challenges and Achieve Your Dreams

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And now your host, Joel, Mark Harris.

Joel: Hello, and welcome to the publishing for profit podcast. This is your host, Joel Mark Harris. Today we have a very special guest on Dustin Hogan, who is a. Well, he does workshops. He is a coach who focuses on men’s mental health. We talk about his journey from owning a landscape business to D.J.ing to his Rockstar Academy.

We talk obviously a lot about mental health, about how he overcame depression and anxiety and how you can overcome these similar challenges. So hopefully you enjoy this episode. Hi, Dustin. And welcome to the show.

Dustin : Awesome. Thanks for having me on.

Joel: You’re welcome. So I get your emails. I love your emails. And one thing that has struck me was you just did this. Well, I guess there was a couple months ago now, but you did this silent retreat for 10 days and that’s always something I wanted to do, but I’ve never had the guts to actually. Take that step. So can you tell me what that process was like and what did you learn from it?

Dustin : Yeah, for sure. So the silent retreat was actually a few years ago. It seems like it was a few months ago, but yeah, it was, it was a few years ago and it’s still something that I’m constantly reminded of constantly thinking of because of how difficult it was for one and how impactful it was, as well. I mean, basically you’re meditating eight to 12 hours a day for 10 full days.

Fully, fully silent. you’re essentially living like a monk. I mean, they, they cook food for you. You’re basically the only thing that you’re doing is meditating. You’re you can’t bring books with you. You’re not reading any of that. It’s just. Pure meditation. And then when you’re not in the actual meditation sessions, you’re doing like walking meditation.

For me, going into that, I really knew that I wanted to have that time of silence and really just go within. But I quite honestly, I had no idea how difficult it was going to be, because for me as somebody that’s got a very active minds, you know, constantly racing thoughts and a lot of anxiety at times as well.

When you’re sitting there in silence and it’s just you and your thoughts, really, the only place the mind has to go is to just keep spinning and spinning and spinning. And for me, like it was one of these experiences that I’ll just remember for the rest of my life because of how difficult it was.

I mean, I wanted to quit and leave on day two day, four day, six day seven. You know, and, and with that said there were a number of people that were there that ended up actually leaving, halfway through it because it is tough. Very, very, very tough. But as I got over that halfway point, I guess you could say finish line was insight and I just wanted to stick it out, but, yeah, very difficult, very challenging, but super, super impactful.

Joel: That’s awesome. Wow. I can’t believe it’s time flies, honestly. That’s crazy. So what are your meditation practices like now?

Dustin: Yeah, so that style of meditation is called the passionate. so that was the one practice that we learned there. So very much just focused in, on breath, focused in, on kind of scanning the body, that type of thing.

I’ve tried other types as well too. I’ve done transcendental meditation, which is a very popular one these days. I’ve done other breathwork type meditations. I’ve done other sort of visualization meditations right now, though. I guess as far as my regular practice, I’m focused in on more like grounding style meditation.

So getting into my body, just feeling the sensations of, of what’s going on and really just. Grounding myself in the moment. It’s a good way for me to get out of my head and into my body because a lot of the times. I can’t out-think racing thoughts. So to do the opposite of that is to just get into my body and to just feel it.

So even it could be as simple, as simple as something as simple as just feeling into my feet. So just closing my eyes, sensing into what’s going on and then doing a full body scan from there. And it doesn’t need to be like a 20 or 30 minute thing. I mean, it could be done in a minute or two, which I really like, and it could even be just something that I’m doing when I’m walking.

So let’s say I start to recognize that I’m in a situation and I’m getting out of the present moment. What I’ll do is I’ll just kind of sent into my body and easy way to do that is just to sense into your feet, because if you’re standing on the ground, you’ve already got that pressure there. So it’s a sensation that’s easy to tap into.

So yeah, that’s something that I’m doing on a pretty regular basis.

Joel: So for somebody who wants to get started in meditation, is there some kind of like beginning practices that you would recommend.

Dustin: For sure. the calm app is a great free app. Headspace is another great one as well, too. And those are very simple, like easy to get started.

And a lot of the times when people ask me that question, they’re like, Oh, what, what should I start with? What direction should I go? A lot of the times people think, well, I need to carve out 30 minutes. I don’t have 30 minutes and that’s not the, that’s not the mentality. It’s like, even if you’ve got one minute, start with one minute, because that’s better than zero minutes.

And then you can just continue to work your way up from that point. And it doesn’t need to be this complex thing. And also too, I think a lot of people are of the mindset debt. Meditation is about like stopping your thoughts or clearing your mind, but that couldn’t be further from the truth because the nature of our mind is to wander.

So really to me, the purpose of meditation is when my mind is wandering, when I’m doing meditation. To just gently bring it back and just gently bring it back when it wanders again. And you do that enough times. It’s like building up a muscle. So when you’re in real life and your mind starts to wander, you’ve built up this muscle of being able to pull your mind back into the present moment.

So that would be my suggestion. Yeah, either the calm app or the Headspace app, or just a quick Google search of easy, free meditations. There’s thousands, hundreds of thousands of videos on YouTube with meditation.

Joel: Should you practice, if you want to do that silent retreat? So you can practice meditation before, or can you just jump right into the silent retreat?

Dustin: That’s a good question. Yeah. So when I went there, I did practice meditation for a couple of years prior to that, my roommate, the person that was staying with me at the time at the retreat, cause you’re bunked up with, with other people there. He had never meditated before in his entire life.

And I was like, Dude, like, man, that takes a lot of guts and courage to show up here. And you’ve never meditated before. Quite honestly, it might’ve been better because he really had no experience of it. So he didn’t. He wasn’t expecting it to be difficult. He wasn’t expecting it to be easy. So the answer is it depends.

I mean, there’s no requirement that somebody needs to have meditated prior to that. There were people there that that was their like 50, 10 day silent retreat of the year. And there were even other people, once you’ve done that 10 days, you can then graduate and you can do like a 30 or 40 days, which pretty mind blowing.

Joel: That’s crazy. Yeah. Yeah. That would be very challenging for sure. So, in your, in some of your blog posts and videos, you talk about the importance of morning routines. What are your morning routines or routine? and what, is there a recommendation that you should do in the morning?

Dustin: For sure. A good question. For me, having a morning routine and being consistent with it is such, such an important part of my day and important part of my week. And the reason being is because getting up in the morning for me is like the hardest thing to do. I’m definitely a night owl. I much preferred the energy of the evenings yet.

I’ve recognized the importance of being able to get up early. For the longest time I knew that it was going to be important. But I really pushed back. I had a lot of resistance at it because getting up first thing was, was just such a challenge. For me, first and foremost, it was just getting up at a, at an earlier time.

So nowadays that’s anywhere between five, 15 and six o’clock today, I slept in a little bit, got up just before six. but yesterday I was up five 30 for 20 after five. so that’s the first component. The second part of my morning routine is first thing I do is I go right into the washroom and brush my teeth to kind of clear out all of that bacteria that builds up over, over the, over the night.

So that just gives a sense of cleanness and a sense of like freshness. And then right after that and jumping into my, to my workout. So right now, because you know, a lockdown I’m working on at home prior to that would be to just get out the door, get in my car and go to the gym, which thankfully is about a five minute drive from here.

And just that act of getting physical and getting moving so, so critical because for the longest time I actually used to get up and then meditate right away. But 50 to 70% of the time I would fall asleep during the meditation. Cause I was still like in sleep mode. So for me, it’s like getting active, getting moving if that’s doing weights or going for a run doing that.

And then when I come home, I can engage in journaling or daily plans for the day. Just kind of going over my goals. And then having like a nice, healthy breakfast smoothie, good combination of healthy fats, proteins, that kind of thing to get the day going shower. And then yeah, off, off to the races for the day.

Joel: What does your worker workout look like now that you’re doing it at home?

Dustin: It’s, it’s consists of, I don’t know, 50 different elastic bands that I’ve got tied to the door and to the wall and all of this kind of stuff. So it’s basically just resistance training, strength training, but using, using resistance bands, which quite honestly has been pretty good.

it’s a different type of strength. I find that I’m developing and actually my gym just opened last week. So I went there for the first time, after almost three months, it was fearful that I wasn’t going to be able to lift more than five pounds, but I was actually just as strong as I was in some areas, a little weaker than others, but, yeah, that’s what, that’s what my exercise consists of right now.

Joel: I do a lot of YouTube videos, so I flip through, and now I’ll find the different wine every day. Cause I, I like to switch it up, but yeah, no, it’s fun. So before, so for people who don’t know, Dustin is an amazing speaker and he does seminars. you put some workshops. And I would classify you as probably the top, you know, top three speakers that I know.

yeah. And, but obviously it didn’t, wasn’t always like that. And you’ve, you’ve spoken about your, you know, depression, anxiety as a kid. How do you overcome that to become such an amazing speaker to put on such like, you know, like these great workshops.

Dustin: Yeah. Well, thank you for, thanks for saying that, Joel.

I really appreciate that. so for me, quite honestly, it’s, it’s an ongoing work in progress. You know, I wouldn’t say I’m at the point where I fully overcome everything and I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to that point. you know, dealing with anxiety since as long as I can remember and depression, you know, throughout college and into my adult life, like it’s.

Something that I’ve had to work to overcome and to work through. But through that process, you know, through the hard times and through the challenges, that’s really where the opportunities have been because it’s forced that personal growth. And I think for me is knowing what it’s like to. To kind of suffer and to really feel those internal challenges.

That’s what drove me to want to create workshops and to want to become a speaker, because I know what it’s like to feel those challenges and to really go through those incredibly difficult moments that I was empowered to want to help other people overcome. Their challenges could be challenges with anxiety and depression could be other life challenges as well, too.

At the end of the day, I think, and I believe that our challenges are truly opportunities. So for me, that’s really where the drive is. And I appreciate you, you know, the kind words you say about my speaking, but it’s interesting because it’s still something that I’m very fearful of. So even if I’m on stage and may look like I have it all together, A lot of the times internally, it’s still a battle.

Like I’m still dealing with intense performance, anxiety and tense, anticipatory anxiety, and coming out the other end. It feels an incredible yet in the moment it’s still, still very challenging. And I think that’s just a reminder that regardless of somebody looks polished and like they’ve got it all together.

You never know the battle that somebody is going through. so I think living that myself has then yeah, inspired me to want to help other people as well, to just push past whatever it is that that’s holding them back. So yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s kind of the reasoning behind launching the seminars, launching the workshops, launching the work that I’m doing right now

Joel: for someone, if somebody comes to you and says I have this crippling anxiety or fear.

What are some of the like first steps that they can take to over? I guess yeah. Overcome is probably not the right word, but to take steps to conquer that.

Dustin: Yeah. Another good question. I mean, I think even just, just speaking from myself, it’s once I got to the place where I was. Comfortable and had the courage to actually talk to somebody about it.

That could be a coach that could be a counselor that could be a psychologist. That could be your doctor. That could be somebody that you just trust in your life. For me, the healing throughout my life has all come because I’ve been willing to just open up and chat about it. And as I’ve gotten older and as I’ve gotten more comfortable in myself and more, I guess, confident and trusting.

I’ve been more willing to share and to be open with, with those that are in my life, because for the longest time, even really up until recently, I was only sharing up to a certain level because I was fearful that if I was really. Fully putting myself out there and really sharing some of the darkness and some of the scariness that was going on within me, that I was going to get judged and that others were going to look down on me.

And unfortunately for a lot of that time, I wore masks and thinking that I had to show up a certain way. I had to show up, like I had it altogether or like I wasn’t making mistakes or whatever it might be. And as I’ve become more comfortable with that, It’s created that healing within myself. So for anybody that’s suffering through anything could be anxiety could be depression.

My suggestion would be is just take that small baby step in first, having that conversation. It doesn’t need to be, you’re sharing your whole life story, but the more that you can open up, the more that you’re willing to, and the more that you have the courage to the more. The bigger position, you’re going to be putting yourself in to actually begin that healing process and to work, to overcome it, or just to work, to continue to live your life, even despite of whatever it is that you’re going through.

Joel: Does journaling help with that process?

Dustin: It’s a good question as well. Sometimes. Yes. Sometimes no. So journaling has helped me, not in the sense of doing like a structural journal entry, but something that I call a fault log. So let’s say for example, I’m having a bad day and I’m just on a negative thought pattern.

Like my self talk is very negative and quite often. What happens is when we get into these negative thought loops, it’s the same fricking six to 10 thoughts over and over and over again. It’s not like we’re thinking thousands of different thoughts. They may have a different style or a different approach, but.

Typically it’s the same thoughts over and over and over. So what I’ve been doing a lot lately actually is if I find myself in that thought loop and I can feel the anxiety building, I’ll just get out a piece of paper and I’ll just start writing those thoughts out. And as I’m going down this list and I started to see them, I’m getting them out of my head and I see them on paper.

And quite honestly, when you see them on paper, they don’t seem as terrifying as they are when they’re in, in your head because they just keep spinning and they’ve got so much energy. So right away that takes it from like an eight out of 10, many times for me down to a three out of 10. And then if I’ve written it on a piece of paper, I’ll just rip that piece of paper up and I’ll toss it in the garbage and it doesn’t cure it by any means, but it gives some relief in that moment to be able to continue doing whatever you you’ve got to do.

And then of course, if those do continue to show up yeah. Do another thought log or that would be something to be able to talk to somebody more in depth about so. Kind of answers your question. It’s like a different type of a journal. more of like an in the moment journaling, but for me getting out of my head on the paper really, really helps.

Joel: Me too, for sure. I know that I think I’m similar in that way of a hundred different things going on in my head and a lot of anxiety and, and sometimes I don’t even know what I’m feeling and, and so to get that on paper and organize it. That’s for me, that’s, that’s really important. Cause then I can say, okay, this is, this is what I feel about this.

And, and you know, then I can kind of form some sort of action plan. And so I think that’s really important.

Dustin: Definitely. Yeah. And another tool that I’ve been using in combination with this written journal is something called a feelings wheel. So. Anybody, you can just Google feelings wheel and you’re going to get hundreds of different examples.

But what it does is it really, you can take a look at it and it’s got 50 or 60 different feelings, words on there. And just sometimes being able to identify what it is that, that you’re feeling the same way that getting the thoughts out of your head, just simply putting a word or two to whatever it is that you’re feeling, that identification then takes the intensity of that emotion down a few notches.

So I’ve been using those in combination, the thought log journal, and then the feelings wheel to really just disarm. These emotions and these thoughts in the moment, because they seem all consuming, but when you put them out there in the world, even some of those thoughts that are written on that journal, I see the ridiculousness of them when they put them on paper.

Yeah. But when they’re in your head, they stare, it’s like, Oh my God, this is the truth, but that’s just, that’s just not the case. That’s just our mind doing what it’s got to do.

Joel: Cool. Okay. I want to switch gears a little bit. So. you started off with a landscape business. You went into deejaying and then to the seminars with Rockstar Academy.

Can you tell me a little bit about your journey from those businesses and where you are today?

Dustin: For sure. Yeah. So prior to being in Vancouver, I used to live in Calgary and in 2004, actually started a landscaping business. Actually let me back up before that. So I actually went to school for hotel management.

So that’s, that’s kind of was my vision coming out of high school. I wanted to own a restaurant or I want it to work in the hotel industry, worked in the hotel industry for a couple of years in Calgary and enjoyed it. but then a few neighbors started asking me to cut their grass on the side. So I was doing that on the weekends and quickly found out that I was making like four times the amount of money cutting grass.

And I was working at the hotel. So eventually took the leap of faith in 2004 to say, okay, I’m going to leave the hotel business. And I’m going to try and do this landscaping thing full time. So built that landscaping business out from 2004 to 2010. And. Pretty successful did grass in the summer and then obviously snow in the winter being in Calgary.

So it was, it was a good, good little business, but I wasn’t passionate about it. I wasn’t excited about it. And there was one day, June of 2000. And. Eight or 2009, I think. And I just remember I was on my way to a meeting and I had to pull over because I was just, I was in tears. Actually. I was so overwhelmed with emotion because I came to the realization.

The only reason I was building that business was to just make money, nothing wrong with making money, but I realized, or I thought to myself, man, what would happen if I actually put this amount of effort into something that I was passionate about? And at the time when I was doing the landscaping thing, my passion, my hobby was Djing and music production.

So I said to myself, man, what would happen if I actually put this amount of effort into this passion of music and DJing, so made the decision that I was going to sell the business. So my home at the time. packed everything up in Calgary, moved out to BC to go to music school in 2010, 2011, and went to music production school.

So I basically hit the reset button here. All my friends were now doing their thing coming out of university through in their careers. I had just had a successful business and said, no, I’m going to hit the restart button. And it was terrifying because I had no idea what was going to happen. So I went to school from 2010 to 2012 and then graduated in music school.

And once again, it was like, okay, now what now, what am I going to do with this, with this education? And then I actually lucked out and I got a job teaching at an amazing school in Vancouver called brain boost education. And I actually got a job there teaching DJing to grade 10 students. It was a dream job.

It was unbelievable. I mean, the kids were just as passionate about it as I was. And it was a lot of fun, got to teach them DJing and music production. But then I also got to start doing some one on one sessions with the students. It was more like life skills, teaching normal budgeting and setting goals and really becoming the best version of themselves.

So this sparked a whole new idea of, Hey, maybe there’s something there with this coaching thing. And I didn’t even really know what coaching was at the time. And at that time as well, that’s when I joined Toastmasters. So starting to do speeches and really connecting to that. And a funny thing happened is when I was doing speeches.

I started to have the same exhilaration giving speeches as a, how does a DJ, but now it was at like a deeper level because now I’m sharing my thoughts, my ideas, my philosophies with the world, like, Hmm. Maybe, maybe there’s something to this speaking thing. And I was getting a bit of taste with the coaching with the students.

So once again, faced with another fork in the road, 2013, 2014 made the decision. Do I want to continue doing this music thing and teaching music? Or do I want to pursue the speaking and the coaching thing? So once again, took another massive leap of faith made the decision that I was going to start doing my own personal growth, personal development workshops, but I knew I wanted to combine my passion for music and speaking.

So, what I did is I started the business, the Rockstar Academy, and at all of my workshops, it was taking people, the, the participants through these deep, emotional, personal growth and personal development exercises, but the whole event was curated to a soundtrack. So I was bringing in the music element and bringing in the speaking element and really creating this, this hybrid of it.

That was really the start of yeah. The journey to what I’m doing now and kind of coaching and speaking and going even deeper on the counseling side of things. So that’s the, the 10 years combined into a five minute, little, how did

Joel: I’m assuming there is a lot of self doubt and probably some external doubt when you.

Decided to like pack up and move everything from Calgary to Vancouver. People must’ve thought you were crazy. Like, and how did, so how did you deal with that?

Dustin: Yeah, it was, it was tough cause it’s not like I made the decision. And then the next day that I left, it was, it was over a year of planning. So I made the decision.

I actually sold my house and moved back in with my parents at 27, 28. So that was funny in, in, in and of itself, right. From living on my own and owning my own place to now in my sister’s bright green bedroom, over my, my room. But I needed to do that. Cause I wanted to spend that whole year just saving up money.

So when I did come to BC, I would have cash to just pay for everything. So, you know what, like there was internal resistance for sure. Like I had no idea if it was going to be a success or what it was going to turn into. There wasn’t any like overt, external, I guess doubt. I mean maybe there, maybe there was a little bit, but not a whole lot.

Quite honestly. There’s just a lot of support. That’s good. Yeah. I mean, my friends were really excited. They were very supportive. They were proud, I think there were maybe inspired by it. you know, my, my parents were very supportive as well, too. So, yeah, I mean, a lot of the doubt really just came internally.

Like, what am I doing? This, this seems crazy to be doing this. Why, I’m, I’m almost 30 years old now and I’m making this massive, massive transition in life with no guarantee of anything. not to mention my girlfriend now, wife, at the time she stayed in Calgary and I came here and then we did long distance for almost four years.

So there was a whole set of challenges that were, that were included in that. for sure

Joel: you started off as an entrepreneur at a early age, have you always had the entrepreneur bug?

Dustin: Yeah, I think I have, and even, I think I took a total different path than my parents intended for me. You know, even though that they they’re still supportive of, of me right now, my dad very successful in kind of the business world and the corporate world.

So I think even for me, that’s the path that I expected to take, but I, I discovered very early on that, that just. I didn’t resonate with it. I wasn’t really connected with it, even when I was working in the hotel businesses, which is really my only career, I was on the front end of that. So dealing with the customers, it was very much the customer service side of things.

So that was very entrepreneurial in and of itself. and then yeah, the landscaping business and then, , DJ work and now what I’m doing, like there’s always been. Either full on in business for myself or full on entrepreneurial mode or a hybrid of it doing like more consultant type or contractor type work.

I love the freedom of it. I love the unlimited potential of it. I love the whole creative aspect of it. So many difficult moments as well too. And I mean, it’s, it’s pushed me to my breaking point mentally, physically, emotionally, numerous times. And I’ve. Constantly thought about, man, I maybe I should just go get like a nine to five job, but then I just, I just don’t.

So something’s, something’s telling me that. Yeah, that’s just not what I’m destined for. Who knows? We could be talking in 20 years and maybe that’s what I’m doing, but it just seems like a part of me is the creative aspect that comes with entrepreneurship.

Joel: Yeah, I can totally relate to that. Cause my dad had very successful lawyer and I think he wanted me to take the more corporate nine to five.

And it just I’m sort of the same way. Like it was something I guess I intended to do, but it just never worked out that way. And, and the entrepreneur side is always calling me for whatever reason. So. Hmm. That’s very interesting.

Dustin : Cool.

Joel: so you’ve shifted, your Rockstar Academy a little bit to focus on men’s mental health.

Can you talk a little bit about that shift? Why did you decide to focus on that?

Dustin : Yeah, for sure. So, I mean, for me really the big. I guess drive and calling to do that is just because I was myself, knowing what it’s like to, to go through mental health challenges with, with anxiety and depression and just low sense of self worth at times.

And especially as a man. So often feeling the pressure that I need to show up a certain way. So often feeling like I need to show up, like I’ve got my everything sorted out and I don’t make mistakes. And it’s, it’s interesting because some of that pressure is societal. Some of it is self-induced.

Some of it is just environment. But at the end of the day, just seeing how negatively that’s impacted me over the years of feeling like I needed to show up a certain way and play or play a role and really seeing how that’s impacting other men. I mean, men are. You know, three to four times more likely than women are to take their own lives.

And that is a horrible statistic. It’s horrible to even consider that, to be thinking about that. So for me as I’ve now deepened my coaching and counseling. Really just thinking of the mission that I want to be pursuing. And to me that makes, that makes the most sense is if I can be a voice for other men to just be more of who themselves are really just discovering more of what is real true and authentic within themselves, and then proudly and courageously living from that standpoint, to me, that’s not only going to improve men’s mental health, it’s going to improve their overall wellness and wellbeing.

And even just for me, I know when I’m at my best, when I’m at my happiest, when I’m my most clear and driven that not only positively impacts my life, but it impacts the lives of everybody that’s around me. So really just recognizing that positive ripple effect that goes from. Being at our best, it doesn’t mean that every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows and that we’re not going to be without our challenges.

But if I can even just make a small dent to help other men be their best, I feel like I’m doing my part. I feel like I’m making an impact and not only for my own growth, but for others as well to

Joel: have you. And then maybe it’s too early to tell, but I, I feel like COVID has really impacted people’s health, mental health, especially with the self, self isolation being really difficult.

you know, I know for myself, you know, being, you know, that those pressures to provide the, those. I guess those, I mean, I call them like manly feelings. You have probably a better term for it, but those I feel like covert has really taken the sense of what I like, you know, I’ve been and really kind of destroyed it almost.

So have you noticed. A change in men’s mental health, doing self isolation during COVID?

Dustin: Yes and no. I mean, on some senses are on some, you know, In some ways I’ve seen it improve. And in a lot of ways I’ve seen it certainly drop. And, and even for myself, if I’m looking back at the last three months, there were definitely peaks and valleys.

And there were moments when. I thought being locked down and being isolated was going to be the worst possible thing for me. And it became a bit of like pity party. What was me? So for a week or two of just not doing anything, I’m not going to work out. I’m not going to leave the house. I’m not going to connect with friends.

And as all of those little decisions started to stack up my. Well being started to take a nose dive. And I quite quickly realized that if I wasn’t focusing in, on my physical health, my nutrition, connecting with friends, if it’s like this through zoom or on the phone, connecting with my family, all of those different components that.

Components of wellness that really stack up to actually improve mental health. I realized really quickly that if I wasn’t doing that, mine was going to continue to, to nose dive. And I saw the same thing as well, too, with not only the clients that I’m working with, but other friends, other colleagues, that type of thing.

It’s been, it’s been a wide spectrum of impacts that the toll lockdown is really had on us. But the unfortunate thing is we actually really won’t see the, the impacts for probably three, six to 12 months. And beyond that.

Because, yeah, sure. Things are slowly starting to open up, but when are things going to be back to fully normal?

Who knows? And it’s really at that point, then we can start to look back and see the true, true effects of this trauma that many of us have gone through. And that’s now. Kind of amplified by the other stuff that’s going on in the world right now of just these tough conversations that are having to happen and people rising up, which is, which is great, but everything is kind of stacking up and having an impact on not just men’s mental health, but everybody’s mental health.

It’s a scary time, for sure. And we’re not going to see those full impacts for quite some time. I believe.

Joel: What can somebody do, who notices that their own mental health is taking a beating or they notice maybe in a family member?

Dustin: Yeah. So going back to what we talked about earlier there is if, if you do notice your own mental health, taking a beating is.

Having the courage. And I say that because it does take a lot of courage just to share, and you don’t have to have all of the answers. You don’t have to have all of the terminology, but just to say, I’m not feeling good right now. I don’t like the way that I’m thinking. I don’t like the way that I’m feeling doing that with somebody that you trust.

And if you don’t have anybody that you trust, there are so many, phone hotlines. You can call resources online, all kinds of different things. So first and foremost, Getting that conversation going. And now if you recognize someone in your circle, be it a friend, family member going through the same thing, same thing.

Just just saying, Hey, what’s going on? Like you don’t, you don’t have to dig deep, but sometimes just. Letting somebody know that you see them, that you hear them, that you feel what they’re going through. Sometimes just that little bit of empathy, a feels good. B allows them to feel comfortable in opening the opening themselves up.

And sometimes it takes a little bit of a push. I mean, even for my wife, we’ve been together now for 12 plus years. And although I open up to her, sometimes it takes her just giving me a gentle little push of like, Hey, what’s going on? How are you feeling? What do you thinking? Just having that little love, loving push is sometimes needed.

Joel: So when you did the long distance for four years, that’s amazing, by the way, you know, it’s very challenging. So what are some things. That you did to keep, your relationship tight and intimate.

Dustin: Yeah. So it was tough. I mean, definitely one of the most challenging parts of our relationship, but we both say that has she had moved here when I moved here, it wouldn’t have been the right time because she still had her own thing going on in Calgary.

I was coming here to pursue this, this big goal, this big dream. We still were uncertain if I was going to be going back to Calgary. So had she moved here at that time? We probably, we both say that we probably wouldn’t be together today because it would have been for the wrong reasons. So knowing that, and at the time, knowing that it was going to be a challenge and also not knowing how long it was going to be until we’d be together.

Again, really, we made our 100% number one focus was just on communication. So. Communicating what it is that we were doing, what it is that we were excited about, you know, jumping on the phone, through text, whatever that might be just, but just keeping that open line of communication fully open. Also to, prior to me moving here, we’d been together by then for about a year and a bit.

And really the, I guess the cornerstone of our relationship was just. On believable levels of honesty to the point where it was painful at times. When we first started dating, I mean, we owned up to everything, girls that I was checking out guys, that she was checking out and it was, it was tough and it was challenging, but really that level of honesty allowed us to develop just such a deep bond and a trust.

So coming here, it was a combination of the communication and trust. Right. It’s like, she’s back there doing her thing. I’m here doing my thing. We had to have that unwavering trust in each other or else we would both go crazy. So it really just came down to the communication, the trust, and then continuing that open, honest conversation, and having those tough conversations.

and then, yeah, I mean, when we did get together, it was fun. It was like a little. Vacation or a honeymoon, and, and trying to plan fun things when we were hanging out. So when we did get together, either would go back to Calgary, she’d come here. It was meaningful. And it was, it was a lot of fun and it was memories that we were excited to, excited to make.

So super challenging. I mean, there’s no, there’s no manual to it. I can’t give somebody like step by step. Here’s your five steps to doing four years of long distance, but that was really just the foundational pieces, communication, trust and honesty. Yeah,

Joel: I think that’s really great advice. so I mentioned at the beginning of the podcast, your emails, and I mean, I think you’ve been doing the Monday emails for some, from, for a couple of years now.

my memory is obviously, not always correct but at least, at least I got this one. Right. so can you tell me about that process of what do you think about when you sit down to. Right. Those emails. And when do you write them?

Dustin: That’s been probably one of the aspects of my business that I’ve been most consistent with for the longest amount of time and not easy because some of those emails are long, long, long.

And the cool thing is a lot of people are coming to expect them. You know, like there’s been times when maybe I changed up the time and people have responded, but Hey, like I didn’t think this was coming today. What’s going on? So. Yeah, for me, it’s always just about writing about things that have benefited me personally, and then I think would benefit other people.

So the morning routines, the meditation being consistent communication, public speaking, all of these different things that have had an impact from there in my life, because I always want to be writing about it from. Here’s something that I suggest you do, but I’m only suggesting you do it because I’ve seen the benefits of it.

Otherwise, sometimes it comes across a bit too preachy at times. So for me, it’s always about writing about things that are interesting to me that I’m passionate about and that have had an impact in my life. And for me, the big thing is like, how can I integrate some sort of story into it? So even if it’s just a couple of sentences that talks about my experience or how I learned about it or whatever it might be, I often find that stories connect the best.

So that’s kind of my process for putting them together. and some of the emails are. Taken from longer blog posts that I’ve written. Some of the emails I ended up putting together and creating a blog post with it. So my method or my system for writing, it differs a lot of the times there was a time when I would actually sit down.

And I would, pre-write all of the emails for the month, which I liked. Cause that was nice. Cause every, every week all I needed to do is just schedule it. But then, you know what, sometimes something would happen that week. And it’s like, I’ve already got this email written, but I really want to include this story or this insight that I had from this week.

So it took, took a little bit of the spontaneity out of it. So I don’t think there’s a perfect way to approach it because there’s other times when I don’t have anything written. And it’s Sunday night at 5:00 PM. And the last thing I want to do in the world is write an email and it pops up on my calendar.

I’m like, Aw, man, dude, like you just want to like have a barbecue and chill out on a Sunday night and I’ve got to write this email. So. I’m still working through my process. I’m still working through my process and some of those emails are longer than others. But another thing that I’ve kind of integrated as I’m always willing to experiment with ideas of, of.

Ideas of way to write them ideas of what to include in them. I really liked that experimentation process. And even if, I think back to when I started speaking at Toastmasters every week that I got up there and I gave a speech, my only goal was to just integrate some sort of new technique, some sort of I’m going to practice my pauses this week, or I’m going to practice eye contact, or I’m going to practice humor or whatever it might be of just stacking up this.

Set of tools, essentially. So it’s the same thing with writing. It’s like, ah, maybe I want to do like bullet posts or bullet points in this, or maybe I want to do like a full story. So just being willing to experiment with ideas, I’m still so early on. it’s a lifelong process. I mean, I’ll still hopefully be experimenting, you know, 30 or 40 years from now.

Joel: What are some books or a book that has influenced you in your journey?

Dustin: Yeah. And there’s so many, one that really comes to mind that I’ve been recommending a lot lately is the one thing by Gary Keller love that book love the simplicity of it, of just being focused in on one thing, whatever that might be.

Also, it’s somewhat of a humorous book. Like, so there’s some, a bit of humor in there, which I think is nice, especially when it comes to a personal development book. It’s also written. Very conversational. So it it’s, it’s an easy read yet. The methodology and the information is so impactful that because it’s so well written in such a conversational and easy to digest way for me, the information sunk that much deeper and it’s, and it’s.

Beautiful title, because you know what the book is about simply just by the title of focusing in on that one thing. So it’s an easy reminder of like, you don’t have to remember some 10 step process that somebody is taught. It’s just like, Hey, what am I? What’s my one thing right now. What am I focusing in on?

So that’s one of my favorites. I constantly am recommending that.

Joel: What is the one thing you’re focusing on right now?

Dustin: well, this call in this moment right now, this podcast right now.

Joel: Good answer.

Dustin: I’m answering emails while we’re doing this now. but I guess if we’re talking about like major project, one things, it’s, it’s doing a full revamp of my website and getting the messaging and the content on there in full alignment with this, this path that I’m heading down right now with being focused in on men’s mental health. So that’s the one thing that’s, it’s a huge one thing. So it’s taking a little while to chip away at it. Awesome.

Joel: Well, Dustin, thank you so much for being on this show.

I really appreciate it for people who want to reach out to you, where can they find you?

Dustin: Well, thank you so much for having me on Joel. I really enjoyed getting to connect with you again for people that want to connect with me best place to do that is just my website. So you can just go to dustinhogan.com.

You can find me on Instagram at I am Dustin Hogan. Same thing on Facebook. I am Dustin Hogan. Those are the places where I’m doing my thing.

Joel: Awesome. Well, thank you so much.